We share so much of ourselves here in the blogosphere, or rather some folks share details of their personal lives and some might fabricate their lives. Others just talk in generalities and present objective information.
I've never been good at fabrication. In fact my Mom always said that my face is incapable of lying. I tend to believe her as I can't hide things very easily at all.
There are a few things which I do try to hide (not very effectively). I tend to eat in secret (in my bedroom) and not move enough to burn off the calories. This is a hard thing to share in a public forum but it's true. As a result I am miserably overweight, scratch that, obese and not in good physical shape. This is NOT good for living with chronic illness.
So in an attempt to get honest with myself and to hopefully connect with others who might be experiencing similar issues, I approached HealthCentral about sharing my journey in a journal form on their Obesity website. I had noticed in December that there weren't any "regular people" using the site until Kimberly signed up to blog. She's a sweet 18 year old who has tackled her weight and continues to focus on being healthier.
So far I've only written 2 posts, but feel that I've shared so much of myself in them already:
271.6 lbs and Body Fat and BMI - My, oh My!!
It seems like I'm going through so many changes right now. I've started using Rituxan and haven't started using Copaxone again (yet). I'm using much less symptomatic treatments as a result. Less gabapentin, hardly any provigil, no baclofen (until the cold weather just recently has gotten the better of those muscles). This is good news.
Last year I had added Wellbutrin to my regular entourage of medications to help out the zoloft which seemed to not be doing as much any longer. Although whenever I had tried to taper off the zoloft, I could feel the negative affects so it must have been doing something.
But this past fall, I decided that I did want to taper off the zoloft if for no other reason than I really wanted some of my sexual mojo back. Yes, I had come to the conclusion that one reason I have basically no sex drive is due to the medication. I'd like to get that part of my life moving again. (Sorry if this is TMI.)
I took the last pill in my current supply at the beginning of December. Then my Grandfather died. Then I had a stressful trip. Then my boyfriend of 4.5 years who has been by my side since before the official MS diagnosis and who stayed after the RA diagnosis did not propose over the holidays like I honest-to-goodness thought that he would do, finally, this year.
I've become very weepy, but it's hard to know if it is the lack of zoloft (while I'm still taking Wellbutrin) or just simply life events which has me this way. And now we're back into a new year where folks are talking resolutions and other bleh stuff.
My intent at writing about my weight and health is not to tell people what they should do. Heck, I don't really even know what to do myself right now. But I intend to be honest with myself in public. Remember, I am not really capable of making things up. I am who I am and by sharing my journal with whoever is interested, I hope.....
Oh, I don't know. I just hope not to feel so alone I suppose.