Showing posts with label Caregiving. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Caregiving. Show all posts

Thursday, July 27, 2017

Take Care of Yourself When You're the Caregiver

My husband is my number one caregiver. He does most of the grocery shopping and carrying of heavy or large items up and down the stairs at home. I’m capable of doing these things, but splitting the work between us is very nice and my osteoarthritic knees are thankful.

In recent months, my husband and I have been occupied with taking care of his mother. She has experienced a series of unfortunate health complications that require us to devote a significant amount of time tending to her needs. As a consequence, there has been much less time available to tend to my own.

This experience is teaching me the importance of taking care myself first before I can be of much help to someone else. This goes beyond the familiar analogy of putting on your own oxygen mask before assisting others in an airplane emergency. As your mental and physical energy are depleted, you must focus on your own needs to protect against sheer exhaustion, potential relapse, or full collapse.

As people with chronic illnesses, the quality of our caring is rich, but our capacity is limited. If we don’t take care of ourselves, we run the risk of slamming into that proverbial wall.

Ways to care for yourself


  • Focus on your own health and wellness. Eat right, sleep well, and exercise. It’s too easy to skip meals or become sedentary when you are sitting for hours in hospital waiting rooms, doctors’ offices, or patient rooms. Keep up with your own medical needs.

Read this post in its entirety:
Being a Caregiver When You Have a Chronic Illness

Thursday, April 20, 2017

My Husband, My Caregiver

Although I am the one diagnosed with multiple sclerosis (MS), I am not the only one who lives with MS in our family. My husband, Rob, lives with MS, too.

As is common in many relationships, Rob and I take care of each other. We have a fluid give-and-take that helps to make our household function smoothly. For example, while I’m busy teaching music lessons, Rob will often prepare dinner after he gets home from work. I usually take care of laundry during the days.

More unique and special to our relationship, Rob has become excellent at watching out for the intervening effects of MS. If I start to get overheated in the summer, Rob will encourage me to get something icy to drink. Better yet, he often brings me something to drink without mention. If I begin to have a cognitive meltdown from sensory overload, he gently guides me to a less confusing, less stimulating environment, so that I can think straight again.


Watching out for me didn’t come automatically for Rob; it took time, practice, patience, and careful attention. The more we as a team have learned about how MS affects me, the better we become at ameliorating some of its effects. We become a stronger team in the process.

Read this post in its entirety:
My Husband, My Caregiver

Wednesday, August 31, 2016

Caregiver Fatigue and MS

Caregiving is a special skill that some choose to develop professionally, but one that others learn out of necessity.


According to the Caregiver Action Network, there are 65 million family caregivers across the country. Nearly one-third of the adult population is providing an average of 20 hours of care per week. That’s an extensive, unpaid job, one that’s vital to protecting the health and safety of our loved ones, especially those with multiple sclerosis.

MS is a progressive disease that can cause significant physical disability and manifests with a broad range of symptoms, including weakness, sensory disturbance, bowel or bladder dysfunction, impaired mobility, and vision loss. As the abilities of a person living with MS gradually decline, caregivers must perform important functions to help those with MS stay more independent. Informal caregivers such as family members, friends, and neighbors help make it possible for people with MS to remain in their homes even as the need for personal assistance increases and physical and cognitive independence declines.

Caregivers have an important job, but may become highly burdened. Family caregiving, mostly unpaid, can cause emotional distress, isolation, feelings of abandonment, and economic difficulties. In contrast, however, caregiving can also strengthen relationships, improve coping skills, and encourage feelings of pride and accomplishment. Becoming a caregiver teaches you a lot about yourself and empathy.


Read this post in its entirety:
The Impact of Caregiver Fatigue in MS

Thursday, May 1, 2014

Carnival of MS Bloggers #155

Welcome to the Carnival of MS Bloggers, a monthly compendium of thoughts and experiences shared by those living with multiple sclerosis.

by Lori at A Girl from MS and A Boy with MS

I'm sorry is a phrase that is either really easy to say or really hard to say. Sometimes it is used lightly, and sometimes it is used in some pretty intense situations. In marriage and really in life in general, the art of saying I'm sorry and what it means is actually really complex.

The first words Josh said to me after his diagnosis were "I'm Sorry." I am pretty sure I looked at Josh like he was an idiot. Why was he apologizing? Who says they are sorry for being sick? Are you kidding me? Being diagnosed with MS is something that is totally out of a person's control. Thinking about it now, I'm sorry is a little bit ironic. The things I really need Josh to say I'm sorry for are things like...
  • Sorry for leaving the toilet seat up, and the fact that you fall in the toilet at least once a week as a result of this.
  • Sorry for never unpacking my bags after business trips.
  • Sorry for falling asleep with a glass of red wine in my hand and waking up startled resulting in me drenching you with red wine at 3 in the morning. (True Story... Don't you feel sorry for me?)
  • Sorry for being grouchy when I wake up.
  • Sorry for leaving my work stuff scattered on the table.
  • Sorry for leaving empty glasses on the nightstand.
Even after reading this list, the things I want him to say he is sorry for are pretty pathetic. They are such minor things in life. AND truthfully, I might miss some of these things if he ever quit doing them. Although, he is free to stop doing these things just so I can test out what it is like. :)

On the MS front...

The eye washout has not completely gone away. Josh needs a steroid for his eyes to knock out the inflammation. Dr. Emily called in IV Infusion that can be done at home. Sounds dramatic, but it really isn't-just more of an inconvenience. Josh does an incredible amount of paperwork for his job. Really, I may never understand the amount of paperwork that he does. The IV is being done at home which works out really well for him so he doesn't have to stop work. Just another perk of having a home office. He has to do 3 consecutive days of the steroid. We are hoping to get them started today and finish on Saturday. I laughed and told him maybe he will have a cute little nurse come out to set it up:). It amazes me how far technology and medicine has come. The fact that he can do this from home and it not have an impact on his work is truly amazing.

Back to the "I'm Sorry's"...

Our wedding was FUN. Like, so fun I didn't want to leave. In fact, when we left the reception the first time, no one was outside to see us leave. We had to do a redo and tell the band to stop playing music so everyone would come outside to see us hop in the limo to start our happily ever after. Our friends and family celebrated (maybe celebrated a little too much:), but the main part of our wedding was our vows. When I took those vows, I signed up for MS. I signed on the dotted line when I signed our marriage certificate. Did I know it at the time? No. When you are young and in love, you feel invincible. All you can imagine are picket fences, babies, puppies, and rainbows. (At least as a girl I imagined this. I would be interested to see what Josh imagined:) Would I do it all again and sign up for MS? Yep. And guess what? I. AM. NOT. SORRY. And guess what else? I will NEVER be sorry.

by Lyla at Dear Diary

I have been a runner in my lifetime. Some days I still feel like one, but most of the time I am happy to have the memorable experience of sustained motion. In 1999 a friend talked me into doing a "fun run" with her. She had just had her third child and wanted to get back in shape. She had been very involved in track during her college days and was really quite good, and fast.

I said yes, and over the next five years I ran in several events including four marathons and three triathlons. In 2004 I had a training accident which inadvertently led to an MRI revealing evidence of demyelinating disease. My next marathon had begun. It took another six years of head scratching before the diagnosis came. Oddly welcome. Nice to know the reason why, right?

Some questions though, do not have answers that feel satisfactory. And then there is the whole thing about not knowing what the future holds. All there really is to plant my feet on is what is in front of me right now. I am more than ok with that. Distance running is kind of the same. Being in the moment, being with myself is a big part of what I would try to do during a long run.

Now the distances involve navigating the space between my CNS and my body, the emotions that surface with the myriad neurological sensations and the time it takes me to employ good old-fashioned self care. Running shoes are optional.

by Cheri at I Tri not to Forget...

After transitioning to the autoimmune paleo and Wahls protocols, I definitely have had more good days than bad, as far as my MS fatigue. I have also learned to be more in tune with my energy levels, and therefore what I schedule for the week, making sure I rest if I need to, so I don't crash.

Having said all of that, there are days when I feel really good and I get caught up in the moment and push it too far. For example, last weekend, I started off my Saturday with a 1 hour vinyasa flow yoga class from yogaglo.com, then went for a walk with my daughter as she rode her scooter around our neighborhood and I ended up spending a couple hours in the afternoon out in my yard cleaning up the garden. I felt great and then it hit me, like somebody turned my switch to "off". I had just fixed dinner and then realized I was exhausted, and needed to lay down that minute. I basically ate dinner and went to bed and that was it for me. A couple months ago, I would have been down for the count the next day too, but I wasn't this time. I took it easy the next day, but I was still able to function, so I feel like I am making progress.

I believe that my body is slowly healing, and I am making peace with this new life, but sometimes this "MSness" can just sneak up on me...


This concludes the 155th edition of the Carnival.  The next Carnival of MS Bloggers will be hosted here on June 5, 2014. Please remember to submit a post (via email) from your blog of which you are particularly proud, or which you simply want to share, by noon on Tuesday, June 3, 2014.

Photo Credit: Dawn - Pink Chick via Compfight cc

Thursday, September 29, 2011

Carnival of MS Bloggers #98

Welcome to the Carnival of MS Bloggers, a bi-weekly compendium of thoughts and experiences shared by those living with multiple sclerosis.

Eager Bladders, Fatalistic Humor, Caregiver Survey

by My Odd Sock

Nah, this isn’t about the work of legendary folk-lore author, I. P. Freely

It’s about bladder control pure and simple.  Or lack thereof in regards to many of us with multiple sclerosis.

You see, most of the time I HAVE bladder control.  This is about the times when my bladder controls ME!  Like a loyal dog to its master, when it goes–I go!

My problem usually occurs in the morning when my eyes are bloodshot and my bladder is brimming like a cup of Maxwell House.

I do my quickest spasticity-induced, “quasi-shuffle-foot drag” (Government moves faster!) into the powder room.  But it isn’t quick enough for my seemingly ping-pong ball sized bladder.
Typical view of preferred potty distance.

Vicinity when my bladder opens flood-gates.
Because my bladder likes to get a jump start on the day as soon as I cross the threshold of the bathroom.  (In Track & Field, this is known as a “false-start.”)

Needless to say, my day begins with damp UnderRoos.  (Stealing the slogan from Folgers….”The worst part of waking up is urine in your lap!”)

My sometimes accidental basement bathroom.
But the bathroom isn’t the only place where yours truly has had bladder issues…outside in the yard…in the basement…in the shower–wherever I suddenly find myself far enough away from the potty…and not enough leg umph to get me there!

My problem seems to occur when I wait too long.  Then, when it is too late–I have to go–and go NOW!

Luckily the urge has never struck when I have been in public.

I’m sure you can relate to urgency mishaps.  Do they happen to you?  Are you prone to have problems any particular time of day?  Ever have an accident in public?

Please share your story in a comment.  Your words will have me sitting on the edge of my (toilet) seat with anticipation!

So I doubt the work of I. P. Freely will ever match the popularity of a James Mitchener, Stephen King or J. K. Rowlings, but the impact of the author’s words influence nearly everyday of my MS filled life.


by Andy of our lady of the multiple sclerosi

New Neurologist: The First Visit
 
Props: 
Projected Sign:  No Eating Nor Drinking While in This Office (We’ve had too many spills!!!)
Table
Eyeglasses
Hospital Gown
File and pen

Neurologist (writing): “Do you have any problems with your eyes?”

Me (seated – table): “Not yet.”

Neurologist (writing): “Do you have any problems with bladder, bowel control?”

Me: “Not yet.”

Neurologist (Removes glasses, looks up appearing exasperated already): “You really shouldn’t be so fatalistic. Any problems swallowing?”

Me (pausing): “No.”


by Whitney at Nutrisclerosis

Use 1 whole chicken don't forget the feet. Cut the chicken up, put the whole thing in the stock pot and just barely cover it with water. Add 2 Tbs. of apple cider vinegar and let it soak for a half an hour to an hour. The chicken should be truly free range, preferable raised by someone you had a face to face conversation with about it's eating habits (lots of grass, bugs, lizards, seeds, snakes, and corn with  no rat or mouse shit in it) and habitat. Also no hormones or antibiotics. I am very  much into finding delicious heritage breeds like Dorking or Rhode Island Red. Ok, moving on.

Bring to a slow boil all the while adding: a slice of lemon (I use the end about a third of an inch slice), 2 bay leaves, salt, pepper, 1/2 cup of fresh parsley slightly chopped, 1 or 2 carrots, 1 onion, 1 or 2 stalks of celery, 3-5 cloves of garlic crushed. Once it boils, turn down to low and simmer for 2 hours. Skim the scum.

After 2 hours take the meat off the bones and put the bones back in and simmer them for another 20 or 30 minutes. Turn the heat off, let it cook a little and then strain it and throw all the chunks out. That's it there's the broth. Don't skim the fat off it when it cools. Eat the fat, or skim it off and use it to cook something else. Or give the fat to me, I will use it. I use the meat in recipes, and usually freeze it. I also triple this recipe and make it in my giant zillion quart stock pot.



I (Lisa) received the same following email asking me to post this survey in the Carnival, but Patrick went beyond the call of duty.  Read his post below and complete the survey before October 21, 2011.

[Patrick] Received an interesting email:
“Dear Patrick,

We, the Southeastern Institute of Research (SIR), are conducting an important research study on behalf of the National Alliance for Caregiving and the National Multiple Sclerosis Society. The study includes a survey that investigates issues related to caring for someone with MS and the needs of family and friend caregivers. Would you be willing to post a link to this important survey on caregivinglyyours.com? …”

 www.sirresearch.com/MScaregiver

For those who know me well, know I live and learn by questions. Noting a name and phone number at the bottom I called Heather Marron, Project Manager for SIR. She is indeed a real person and patiently fielded my questions.

More importantly I took the survey. It takes around 15-20 minutes though you can always save and return. It passed all scrutiny by my AVG anti-virus and anti-spyware defenses; ever the ‘doubting Thomas’ I also ran Spybot upon completion of the survey and it too found no prying eyes left behind. No name or contact information is requested, as anonymous and confidential as anything can be in this age.

Most importantly it really is an extraordinary survey. I’ve never seen anything like it and long overdue when it comes to trying to study us extremely diverse and unique MS caregivers.
“Responses will be combined with those of other caregivers and will be shared with the National Alliance of Caregiving and the [National] MS Society so that they can learn how to better meet the needs of those caring for people with MS.”
Please note you must complete the survey by Friday, October 21st and “for the purposes of this research study, caregivers are defined as family or friends, not professionally-paid caregivers.”

Of course if you have questions (and believe me I understand) Heather said it was fine to pass along her contact information: Heather Marron, Project Manager at SIR at hmarron@sirresearch.com or 800-358-8981 (ext 28) … or Anna MacIntosh, SVP of Research Operations at SIR at anna@sirresearch.com or (800) 807-8981 (ext. 18).

Take it and spread the word!
Caregivingly Yours, Patrick Leer


This concludes the 98th edition of the Carnival.

The next Carnival of MS Bloggers will be hosted here on October 13, 2011. Please remember to submit a post (via email) from your blog of which you are particularly proud, or which you simply want to share, by noon on Tuesday, October 11, 2011.

Thank you.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

"to take the process one step at a time"

Being a caregiver or needing a caregiver is something which isn’t talked about nearly enough.  In fact, my friend Patrick, who is a long-time caregiver to his wife who has MS, shared an interesting comment with me:
    “One of the most frequent emails I get is from people wondering whether their spouse or significant other has what it takes to be a caregiver in the long run of MS or the other side of the coin from beginning caregivers wondering if they can make the long run. There is a lot of unspoken language out there.” - Patrick, Caregivingly Yours
Rob, in recent years, your mother has needed help at home and you have become her part-time caregiver.  She relies upon you.  Have you given thought to the possibility of becoming my caregiver someday?

I have and it is somewhat daunting to me.  However, I think my hiking trip experience serves a basis for a caregiving approach.  That is, to take the process one-step-at-a-time.  I think using this sort of graduated process would be the right sort of approach for handling whatever MS might require of us down the pike.

Read this post in its entirety:

The Face of MS: A Boyfriend's Perspective, Continued

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Carnival of MS Bloggers #61

Welcome to the Carnival of MS Bloggers, a bi-weekly compendium of thoughts and experiences shared by those living with multiple sclerosis.

What to Say, Shingles and MS, Wise Words for the Caregiver

How YOU doing?
submitted from the Better Left Unsaid blog

Clueless Co-worker: Sorry to hear that you’re suffering with your allergies.
Marvelous Me: Uh, actually it’s not allergies, I have MS and am having a relapse.
CC: *dumbfounded face* Ohh, ok then. Well, whatever it is, I hope you get better soon.
MM: *areyoukiddingme face* Thanks.
Thank You, for sending this in Marvelous Me (love the name). It raises a question I wanted to ask. How do you respond to the question “How are you doing?” Personally, I usually just say “fine” even if I’m so dizzy I can’t see straight or the pain in my legs is just about unbearable. Saying “fine” just seems so much easier than explaining everything. One can accuse me of not presenting the opportunity to help me out. Could someone say you’ve just passed up a perfect opportunity to educate someone. What do you think? Do you ever truly tell someone how you’re doing?

Attack of the Shingles!
by Karen at Quarter Acre Weed Farm

For anyone who isn't familiar with these devils, please do everything in your power to keep it that way. If you are over 60 (I'm not) or have a compromised immune system (I do) or if your doctor advises you to receive the vaccination, called Zostavax (he just did), familiarize yourself with information about Shingles and take whatever precaution or preventative available to you.

Shingles is the Chicken Pox virus which lies dormant in your body after you recover from your childhood disease. It hides in our bodies, quiet, smoldering and just waiting for something to trigger it to get moving - clawing its way along whatever nerve fibers in your body it chooses to invade and inflame. So now, my immune system (as it does after the rare occasions I've been stricken with illness in the past) over-reacts, so now the MS is kicking my butt around and I'm really feeling the effects of that. The Shingles rash is better (the pain is manageable until the afternoon) and I'm not feeling feverish and sick all the time. I am getting better. This will pass. I will get on with it.


by Rick at Multiple Sclerosis Caregiving

In Multiple Sclerosis has a History, I wrote, “I didn’t know lumbar punctures have been used for diagnostic purposes since 1913″. I think that piece of the History of MS jumped out at me because lumbar punctures (aka “spinal taps”) give me the creeps.
Believe it or not, (and I am certain she will disagree with this) my wife’s spinal tap was harder on me than it was on her.

After all her other diagnostic tests were done – Magnetic Resonance Images (MRI), Visual Evoked Reponse (VER), electromyograms (EMG), blood work (CBC, etc.), electroencephalograms (EEG) – the lumbar puncture (SPINAL TAP) was saved for last. It’s the one test that actually answers the question, “is this Multiple Sclerosis (MS)?”
The way I understand it, spinal fluid is removed and sent to a lab which uses electroflouresis and looks for oligoclonal bands – don’t worry, I don’t understand it either. If the oligoclonal bands are present in the results, then they, along with the other test results, make it official: it’s MS. (According to Wikipedia, "Approximately 79%-90% of all patients with multiple sclerosis have permanently observable oligoclonal bands".)
Drawing the spinal fluid is a fairly simple, uncomplicated procedure for the doctor and patient. Perhaps, not so much for the husband/caregiver, though.

I didn’t see it all because of where I was standing when it started, but it looked like a very professionally organized medical procedure. My wife sat sideways on an examining table with a nurse beside her at the table’s end. The neurologist stood behind her with a shiny tray of medical instruments.

My wife’s feet were placed on a round, stainless steel stool in front of her beside the examining table. The stool was adjusted to just the right height for her comfort. (Up front, I want to add there was no stool or seating of any kind for the husband/caregiver). I stood in front of her for moral support and to help her remain still.

A little local anesthetic was administered at the spinal tap site. After a few moments of the neurologist asking, “Can you feel it now? Can you feel it now?”, he was ready to begin.
Knowing that medical procedures have caused me to feel a little faint in the past, I focused my attention on my beautiful wife’s face. She, however, wasn’t really in the mood for deep eye-gazing and so I was pretty much to myself. But I did my job well. I kept her still and provided continuous support.

A few minutes into the procedure my wife, doing as instructed, reported to her doctor, “I can feel that. It’s like a little pressure.”

For the first time, I looked over her shoulder at the neurologist. In response to her report that she could feel something, he reached to his shiny collection of goodies. He chose a syringe with a needle and then he did the oddest thing. He tilted sideways a bit.
I looked to the nurse and she was leaning the same way! And the walls, too!

It hit me. I was fainting!

Quickly, I searched for a place to sit. And right in front of me was the stool for my wife’s feet. Perfect!

Then that little part of my brain that often has the last rational thought before it all goes black, screamed into my dark fog, “No! She can’t be moved!”

Searching around the leaning room in slow motion I saw so many things: the tilting neurologist was focused on my wife’s back, the tilted nurse was focused on the neurologist, my leaning wife was looking at me with big eyes and raised eyebrows (she suspected what was coming), the bright surgical lights were dimming, to the left was a doorway. I fell through it and, as it opened, I saw my landing place in the dark: a surgical chair! I crashed!
Fortunately, the room I crashed was empty and no procedures were in progress!
I leaned back in the chair like I were at the dentist’s. The darkness began subsiding. Slowly, I began gathering my senses and noticed a stack of surgical towels and a sink beside the chair. Grabbing a handful of the towels, I plunged them into the cool running water and covered my face waiting for the nausea to pass and clarity of thought to return.

As soon as I felt like sitting up I began pulling the towels from my head. Immediately, a nurse walked into the room through the other door.

She stopped when she saw me. I was not expected. I tried to grin without looking goofy as water dripped down my head and onto my shirt.

“Can I help you sir?”

“No, I think I’m ready to go back in for more,” I replied. Her eyes widened as she backed out of the door.

I walked softly back into the room where my wife, the neurologist and his nurse were still at it. My head pounded. Sheepishly, I stood in front of my wife. Seeing my pale face and wet hair, she knew her suspicion had been true.

“I almost fainted,” I explained softly.

“I know,” she replied.

“How are you doing?”

“He’s almost through”, she offered calmly, continuing to sit still on the examining table.

“That’s good. I’m here for you, Baby”, I offered.

“I know you are.”
Caregiver’s Tip: When forced to observe medical procedures that may cause you to faint, make certain you have an appropriate landing place before the procedure begins.

This concludes the 61st edition of the Carnival.

The next Carnival of MS Bloggers will be hosted here on May 20, 2010. Please remember to submit a post (via email) from your blog of which you are particularly proud, or which you simply want to share, by noon on Tuesday, May 18, 2010.
Thank you.
Comments for this post.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

To the Caregiver and the MS Patient

A diagnosis of multiple sclerosis affects not only the patient, but all members of the family. Today’s focus is on the spouse and/or partner.

My neurologist’s office provides extra services (free of charge) to MS patients in the local area. These include an annual workshop which focuses on updates in the field of multiple sclerosis research, a monthly support group meeting for those with MS, and most importantly a special monthly support group just for newly-diagnosed patients and their spouses. Parents and boyfriends are even welcome.

I was invited to participate in these newly-diagnosed meetings even before I was officially diagnosed. Each session focused on a single topic related to MS. Participants usually arrived early; nurse Carol set out some goodies and soda; and a bit of socializing occurred before the session began. This was the time during which patients informally compared notes and spouses often checked to see how others were coping with the changes.

When one person develops MS, the family lives with MS as dramatic as that sounds.

The National Multiple Sclerosis Society provides excellent information specifically for Caregiving and Relationships. Here are some of my favorite recommendations for keeping your relationship strong.

Read this post in its entirety:

Beginner's Guide to MS: To the Caregiver and the MS Patient