Welcome to the Carnival of MS Bloggers, a bi-weekly compendium of thoughts and experiences shared by those living with multiple sclerosis.
MS in the Movies, Best and Worse Things to Do After Diagnosis
by Thomas at BiPolar, MS, and as handsome as ever
You know, there are days when you think you're doing real well with these disorders. This morning I was up early, shared breakfast with my wife, sent her on her way, and then did some reading. Following a chapter of a Buffy the Vampire Slayer story (yes, I enjoy the classics), I did my stretches, exercises, and then hit the road for a mile walk, headphones and all. Back home, I grabbed the newspaper, plopped on the couch, opened the paper and immediately fell asleep for one hour. This set back all other planned activities. Yesterday MS/BP let me ride my bike to run errands, then work in the yard, and get a lot of reading done, including Chris Matthews' book on JFK. Thought I could get two days in a row. Silly MS boy. Now since I'm all messed up and foggy as a London night, I'll try this.
Let's go to the movies!
It's Tuesday as I write this and I usually take in a flick today at one of the local movie houses. It's also two dollar popcorn day, and if the person taking the money and giving you your ticket is "of a certain age", I can squeeze in as a senior. Once you hit 55, and have a pension to live on, the words "early bird special" start coming out of your mouth. So over this summer I've seen everything from Prometheus to Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Slayer. I'll leave reviews of those epics to others, but just a note to the Abe Lincoln producers - please remember to keep that mole on his face all the way through the film, and by the way, during his Presidency, he had two other kids aside from Willie. I know, I know it's all made up. Alas, that's where some kids get their history from.
Anyway, below is a list of movies (and TV show) that featured a character who was either diagnosed bipolar or with MS. No one would ever figure on someone who had both, right?
Bipolar disorder: Splendor in the Grass (1961), A Woman Under the Influence (1974), Mr. Jones (1993), Michael Clayton (2007), Observe and Report (2009), The Informant! (2009), Shine (1996), 3 (2012), Homeland (TV) (2012), Lust for Life (1956), Frances (1982), Cobb (1994), Call Me Anna (1990), A Fine Madness (1966), Bulworth (1998) (for the rap scene alone)
Multiple Sclerosis: Hillary and Jackie (1998), Duet for One (1986), The West Wing (TV) (1999)
Bipolar is winning the race for most characters, probably because if you need someone manic, you can get it, if you need someone depressed, eventually you'll get that. Now these lists are not complete certainly and are from various sources around the web. You can find most if not all at Netflix or Amazon. I have seen some of these films and I intend to see more, but here's the one I'd like to talk about:
Duet for One. This is a small film, and is really based on the life of Jacqueline du Pre', so I guess you can watch either of the MS films noted here and get the same idea (See, it's not that Hillary and not that Jackie - it's the du Pre' sisters, Hillary and Jackie). Anyway, Julie Andrews was nominated for a Golden Globe for her performance as a concert violinist who contracts MS, and the movie is about how the decisions of her life after diagnosis affect those around her. You also get to see Julie undress, have sex with Liam Neeson, and say the F word a lot, which to a mind that still sees Mary Poppins and Maria from Sound of Music is a little disconcerting, but Ms. Andrews is a fine actress, and is supported by such greats as Max Von Sydow and Alan Bates who I think was in every British movie during the 70s and 80s.
But here's what bothered me. The character Ms. Andrews plays, Stephanie, constantly refers to herself as "a cripple." Now this movie was made in 1986, and since we're looking at 25 years ago, there were limited treatments, if any, and so she deteriorated at a faster pace, but a cripple? Perhaps I'm looking at the film (and before that a successful stage play) from too far away, or perhaps its a British thing.
But take a look at it yourself....
The whole thing is on You Tube. 10 parts but easy to follow.
Do you think we could ask Martin Sheen if he'd like to be President again? I'd rather have the guy with the MS than what we've got now on either side. Heck, we did pretty well with the guy in wheelchair. Oooops, no politics. Sorry. I'll be viewing Hillary and Jackie this week and will add some comments later.
Of course, these diseases are always good ones to flare up just when the story needs a push.
I'd like to close with a bit of dialogue from the film, this being said by Stephanie to her doctor.
"Sitting there year after year listening to miserable people like me tell you how the world does destroy them. Have you ever once felt anything like the pain they feel? All the despair, all the fear? You make your living from their suffering and you don't understand a shred of it. Anyone of us is more qualified to speak than you because we have been there. We're still there."
AKA-If you ain't got it, you don't get it. Other films? or TV shows?
by Marie Cooper of MS Renegade
Although I am a relatively smart person, I can admit to having done some pretty dumb things in my life. A lot of the dumbest things came after finding out I had MS. I thought if I listed the top five, it might save someone from repeating my blunders.
Mistake #1: Not immediately making long-term financial plans.
I was eight weeks into a brand-new job in 2005 when I was hospitalized with transverse myelitis, which was followed by a diagnosis of MS. I should have looked into disability right away, even if I wasn’t ready. I should have learned everything I could have about it.
Instead, I went back to work way too soon and focused on keeping my job instead of maintaining my health.
Despite worsening symptoms that were seriously compromising my mobility and function, I kept pursuing a high-stress career that I was both good at and enjoyed. I ignored the handwriting on the wall regarding my own future.
After two frantic years of working 12-hour days, being on call 24/7, determined to prove that MS would not impact my performance, my position was eliminated and I was out of work. Before finding a new job had never been a problem. But things were complicated now. I couldn’t “pass” any more. Now I needed assistive devices, a cane or a walker or more frequently, a wheelchair, to get around. Huge red flag for hiring managers, although, of course, there is almost no way to prove that.
Two years have passed. Realistically, I am unlikely to ever return to the work force. I am just too sick. I have finally applied for disability, now that my savings are gone and I am in dire financial straits.
Mistake #2: Not immediately looking into more accessible housing.
I adore my cozy, 1930s seashore home. It is my dream house. I bought it completely on my own, with no help from anyone, and I have been inordinately proud of it. When we moved in I pulled up ratty old carpet, painted, plastered, fixed, planted, you name it. It is a charming place, full of sunshine and color, where guests settle in and are reluctant to leave because it is so comfy.
I used to be able to blow through the house in an hour, vacuuming, dusting, mopping. While running a few loads of laundry. While setting the sprinkler out for the garden. While dragging garbage out to the garage.
I never anticipated that one day it would take monumental effort to get up the three small steps from the back door to the kitchen. I can no longer do stairs. Or clean the house. Or dig in the garden. Or paint or do any of the things I so reveled in when I bought my house. I, quite simply, cannot take care of it anymore.
If I had made plans early on to move to a smaller home or apartment, one that would be easy to clean and could accommodate my wheelchair, my life would be so much simpler. Yes, I will miss my house and mourn it forever. But the stress of trying to maintain it is sucking the life out of me. And now that the market is horrendous, I will be lucky to get any equity out of it at all.
Mistake #3: Not having a frank discussion with my children about my illness in the beginning.
I have four grown children. They are good people with good hearts and I know they love me. But they are really struggling with accepting the harsh reality of how sick I am. I have done both them and myself a disservice by not forcing us all in the beginning to sit down and talk about what MS is, what might happen and what we were going to do about it. I have always been The One In Charge, strong, bossy, doing it all. My husband died when the kids were little and I have misguidedly tried to shield them from pain ever since. By pretending I was fine, by acting as though there was nothing wrong, what I’ve done has caused even more pain.
So do whatever you have to in order to get your family on the same page and to an understanding of the potential progression of the disease. You might never get to a really bad place, but being prepared together is so important.
Mistake #4: Not taking people up on their offers to help.
My amazing friends and my wonderful sister have stood by me for decades through sorrow and joy. And through MS. They were there for me from that first hospitalization. Always, always, always offering help. “What can I do?” they would ask. And what have I replied? “Oh, nothing, I’m good.” I have said this when I am up to my eyeballs in laundry, dishes and housework that was getting harder and harder for me to do.
It has taken me years to finally admit I need help. And lots of it. I am incredibly lucky that everyone is still around offering, because those offers do tend to fade as time goes on and people tire of asking when they are repeatedly turned away.
Mistake #5: Not taking care of myself.
I found out I had MS. Did I start eating really wholesome food? Did I do whatever exercise plan fit my abilities? Did I take my myriad of medications regularly and carefully? Did I rest and avoid stress as much as possible? Did I make sure I got plenty of sunshine and fresh air? Did I force myself to get out and socialize so I wouldn't get depressed?
No. No, no, no, no and no.
I kept working incredibly stressful jobs and hours. I did not focus on nutrition. I swam for a while, until I broke my shoulder. But when I couldn’t swim any more, I did not look for an alternate way of staying fit. I avoided friends and stayed in my room, in my bed, with the shades drawn. Medication?!? Tuh, (I spit on the floor), I don’t need no stinkin’ medication.
That is how you spell D. E. N. I. A. L. With some stupidity and stubbornness thrown in. Yeah, really helpful coping mechanisms.
BOTTOM LINE: You don’t need to panic, but do yourself a favor and make plans. You might never need to use them, but get your safety nets in place. My denial has cost me dearly.
Marie Cooper of MS Renegade
Marie Cooper of MS Renegade
As I noted in last month’s post, the mistakes I made since being diagnosed with MS were all pretty big and dramatic. The best things I have done since diagnosis are mostly small and practical, banal even, but they helped all the same.
Best Thing #1: Writing my blogs
Hands down, blogging is the best thing I’ve ever done for myself, period.
I have been writing since I was old enough to know what it meant, but I never made the time or had the courage to put it out there or try to have anything published.
Then came blogging. I had been thinking about writing a blog for a while, but I was really apprehensive. I took my time, did a lot of preparation and then, nervously, took the leap.
Well, I have had the best time writing these blogs! My readers are utterly wonderful and many have become true friends. I have received feedback that is so touching, so kind and so encouraging it has been a real gift.
My point here is, do what you love. You deserve it. It’s time. When we have a chronic illness, it is easy to fall into a life that is limited. We don’t feel well and everything is an effort. But try and ask yourself, what is the passion that you have been too busy for? This is the chance to cultivate the things that are most meaningful to you.
Best Thing #2: I acknowledge what my body is telling me.
Me? Listen to my body?!? Hahahahahahahaha. The only thing I ever listened to was the voice in my head that ran persistently into the future, telling me all the things I had to do. It. Never. Stopped. For. One. Minute. Then came MS.
In the beginning, I ignored my symptoms. I DEFIED them. I kept working, cleaning, shopping, doing, doing, doing. And I paid the price with regular relapses, needing a course of IV steroids to get me functioning again. I had more and more residual deficits each time. It took forever, but I finally allowed myself to respect the fact that I needed to listen for cues and anticipate my needs before they got to a crisis point.
Best Thing # 3: My “overbed” table
Go ahead, laugh. It is, after my laptop, my most treasured possession in the world. After my diagnosis with MS, I was juggling my entire life on my bed and nightstand. Juggling unsuccessfully, I might add. So a friend suggested getting “one of those tables like they have in the hospital.” I am a nurse and I have seen unspeakably disgusting things on bedside tables. I can cope with these things professionally. But I certainly didn’t want those memories lingering near my own bed.
So I resisted. And I spilled things and lost things and sat on things because my bed was a disorganized mess. In desperation, I priced what are called “overbed” tables. I was delighted to find they had a different name: laptop tables!! Well, these didn’t conjure up memories of basins or bedpans for me. What’s more, they were reasonably priced. So I bought one. And I love, love, love it.
It has a tilt top side for my laptop, a solid side for books, cups, plates, etc., and wheels that allow it to be pushed out of the way. The wheels are probably the weakest link as they will not roll over anything thicker than a human hair, but that is just a quibble. I stitched up a big tote bag with half a dozen pockets that hangs over the side of the table to hold my knitting, my iPod, my mobile phone, CDs, pens and notepads. It is like another limb.
Best Thing #4: Reach-y thingies
Whether because of the numbness and weakness in my hands or because I am simply clumsy, I do not know. I just know I drop and/or knock over everything. And, because of being so spastic and weak, I have the darndest time picking up the things I have pitched to the floor.
It took years before it occurred to me, but with a lightning strike of brilliance (yes, that is sarcasm), I finally bought several reach-y thingies. I do believe that is the technical name for them. [Note: the technical name is reachers.]
I bought ones that fold in half for the kitchen and bedroom, and that have wide, rubberized tips so I can pick up a variety of things. For the den, where I sew, (this was extra brilliant) I bought one with a magnetized tip because I am sick of playing 500 pick-up with the cups of pins I am perpetually spilling. Voila! Now all I have to do when I need a pin is stick my magnetized reacher on the floor and I come up with a dozen. I usually come up with a dozen other things as well, but we won’t talk about that.
Best Thing #5: Admitting I have MS
Crazy, huh? That having MS would be on any sort of “Best Things” list? Having MS certainly isn’t the best of anything.
I resisted the MS label for a long, long time. Denial is a great protective mechanism for a while. It is a good place to hide while the shock registers in your brain. But, when you’re in it, it is really hard to discern when denial goes from protective to destructive. For me, it was damaging when I wasn’t taking care of myself or accepting help because I refused to accept that I was sick. MS has no tolerance for not taking care of yourself. It is a punishing disease that punishes you even more if you disregard it. By admitting I have it, I am free to take better care of myself.
That is the uniting theme here in my Five Best Things – do what is best for you. What is best to make your life simpler, happier, healthier. I am not a fan of the saying, “If life gives you lemons, make lemonade.” Life is hard enough at the best of times. My opinion is, if life gives you lemons then you have too many dang lemons. And I don’t even like lemonade. But we are stuck with this disease and taking good care of ourselves is the best way to cope. I suppose that could be considered a form of making lemonade out of lemons. Although if I have to make something, then what I’d really like is lemon vodka. :)
This concludes the 118th edition of the Carnival. The next Carnival of MS Bloggers will be hosted here on July 19, 2012. Please remember to submit a post (via email) from your blog of which you are particularly proud, or which you simply want to share, by noon on Tuesday, July 17, 2012.