According to reporter Zoo Knudsen and the CDC, "Tests Reveal Higher Cootie Levels Than Expected in Children..."
The lead investigator explains, "So we can't blame this on, say, the recently discovered increases in the number of nerds, geeks, dweebs, goobs and hyperdweebs in most regions. Some of these kids were pretty cool. Jocks, cheerleaders, homecoming queens, girls who put out on the first date, mysterious new kids with dreamy eyes and a troubled past. Nobody was spared."
Zoo reports that young celebrities are calling for more Cootie research.
I was thinking of a simple solution. Perhaps mothers of young children should organize 'Cootie Parties' much similar to modern 'Chicken Pox Parties' at the first sign of outbreak within their Playdate Group. Children exposed to the virus early on could develop sufficient immunity to prevent more significant complications down the road.
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